Even Darth Vader
Q: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb? (in ascending order)

A: Two. One to mix the martinis, and one to call the electrician.

A: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one better.

A: Twelve. One to do the work and eleven to serve on the committee.

A: Change the lightbulb?!   My grandmother gave that lightbulb!
You might be an Episcopalian if...

  • it's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service.
  • you hear something really funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can.
  • coffee is a line item in the church budget.
  • while looking for a can opener in the church kitchen, all you can find are four corkscrews.
  • you watch a Star Wars movie and they say, "May the Force be with you," you respond, "And also with you."
  • you recognize your neighbor, or rector, in the local liquor store and go over to greet him/her.
  • the sight of a woman in a clerical collar doesn't make you cringe.
  • you know the best way to quiet a room full of Episcopalians is to say "The Lord be with you!"
  • you know how to finish the phrase "and I will raaaaise them up, and I will raaaaise them up..."
star trek
Top 10 Reasons to be an Episcopalian (according to Robin Williams, that is);
  • 10. No snake handling.
  • 9. You can believe in dinosaurs.
  • 8. Male and female God created them; male and female we ordain them.
  • 7. You don't have to check your brains at the door.
  • 6. Pew aerobics.
  • 5. Church year is color-coded.
  • 4. Free wine on Sunday.
  • 3. All of the pageantry -- none of the guilt.
  • 2. You don't have to know how to swim to get baptized.
    And the Number One reason to be an Episcopalian:
  • 1. No matter what you believe, there's bound to be at least one other Episcopalian who agrees with you.
church mice
An old Episcopalian grandmother finally decided to read the Bible. She purchased a large-print edition and read it cover-to-cover. When she finished, she pulled the rector aside at coffee hour and confided, "I really enjoyed reading the Bible, but I was surprised how much it quotes the Book of Common Prayer!"
noah That pesky woodpecker has to go!
red sea
Episcopalians drink coffee as if it were the third sacrament.
bathing baby jesus
doubting Thomas
In the process of conquering the West for Christ, the Baptists went on foot, the Methodists went on horseback...
but the Episcopalians waited for the Pullman car.
The Bulletin --
  • Something to read during the sermon
  • A fan used in churches without air conditioning
  • Your receipt for attending church
Henry VIII
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